


i'm supposed to love you

by beatosuffers



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Hanahaki Disease
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 12:50:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18142412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatosuffers/pseuds/beatosuffers
Summary: Coughing up petals is a strange way of saying "I know I'm supposed to love you."





	i'm supposed to love you

When Penelope’s parents told her she’d be moving to a boarding school meant for special people like her, she expected a lot of things, mostly using Harry Potter as her reference. She expected some old dingy castle in the middle of nowhere, with magical creatures out and about along with the students showing off their powers. What Penelope did not expect though and got instead, is to be dropped off in some kind of mansion and to see a pair of beautiful girls with wide grins on their faces as their eyes land on Penelope for the first time.

 

“Welcome to the Salvatore School,” says the blonde with bright blue eyes that Penelope finds herself looking down at her feet, hoping her tan skin is enough to hide the blush adorning on her face right now, “We’re your tour guides,” Penelope just nods.

 

“I’m Josie,” Penelope looks up at the sound of the voice, hazel eyes meeting brown ones for the first time and Penelope swears she feels like in some kind of young adult novel, meeting their destined one for the first time with the way her heart is beating so fast right but she knows she isn’t and that it’s just her being a fifteen-year-old teen being hormonal at the sight of a pretty girl and how gross it actually is with the way her palms are sweating so much right now.

 

“And I’m Lizzie,” she faintly hears, eyes still fixated on the girl with beautiful brown locks, smiling at her so softly that Penelope can’t help the small smile making its way on her face right now.

 

“We’re twins,” adds in Josie, and Penelope snaps out of her staring contest with the girl and looks back at the blonde besides the brunette, “Fraternal of course.”

 

Penelope hums an “ah”, internally berating herself for how dumb she must have looked. Shaking the embarrassment off, she offers her hand and introduces herself, “I’m Penelope Park, nice to meet you.”

 

Lizzie takes her hand first and shakes it, blue eyes seemingly searching for something in her and Penelope notes of how strong her grip is and once Lizzie lets go, Penelope looks at Josie and the brunette gives her another smile as she takes her hand.

 

Josie’s hand is so soft, and oh God, her hand is still sweating like bullets and she can’t believe she actually did and initiated that so Penelope quickly pulls her hand away as she looks down back on her feet.

 

“I’m really sorry about that,” she mumbles, not daring to meet—especially Josie’s eyes anymore.

 

“No worries new girl, let’s get this tour started,” she hears Lizzie say and next thing she knows the blonde loops her arm with hers as they begin walking towards the school with Josie on her other side, keeping a safe distance.

 

Josie and Lizzie walked her all around the school, with Lizzie talking most of the time and Josie just adding in something trivial fact but Penelope can’t help but pay most of her attention to her. Always expecting for Josie to add in something at the end of Lizzie’s speech. She doesn’t really know why she’s so drawn to Josie that much and she’s not really looking for any answers, not right now, so she just shrugs it off, and concluded for now that Josie’s just really beautiful and it would be amazing to have her as a friend as she begins this new chapter in her life.

 

“So here’s your room, you don’t have any roommates yet for in this school we have to pair you with the person you’re compatible with to avoid conflicts,” Lizzie explains, “so if you need anything, you already know where our rooms are. See you later Penelope.” And with that, Lizzie winks at her and tugs Josie along with her, not giving the girl any chance to say goodbye.

 

Penelope just stands there, watches them leave, hoping to have at least been able to properly thank them, but before Lizzie could turn at the corner, Josie looks back at her and waves a free hand but before Penelope could wave back, the twins already made the turn.

 

“That was interesting,” Penelope mutters to herself as she opens the door to her room.

 

* * *

 

Penelope spent the entire morning and afternoon on her first day at Salvatore School arranging her room, decorating it to resemble her old room, thinking of how it may help her not miss her home. Once she’s finally done unpacking and putting things into their rightful place, Penelope was surprised to see how it’s already seven in the evening. Penelope debates whether to go down for dinner or just sleep in until she hears a knock on her door.

 

Penelope opens the door just enough to see who it could be outside without letting whoever it is out there get a chance to have a glimpse into her room. It’s silly she thinks, but back in her home, her room was her haven, no one ever comes in there, no sleepovers or anything.

 

“Hey Penelope,” greets Josie, “I’d just like to tell you it’s dinner time already just in case you’ve forgotten, and if you want, you can come join Lizzie and I for dinner.”

Penelope thinks for a moment, she doesn’t really want to go downstairs right now and see the entire student body tonight but her stomach is growling and Josie’s right there looking so angelic in front of her waiting for an answer and Penelope doesn’t really want to be the reason for that beautiful smile to turn into a frown tonight either and so she says,

 

“Sure.”

-

They make their way down to the dining area with Josie talking animatedly about anything, mostly about the school and some other facts about it, and Penelope just listens, content with just letting Josie speak whatever crosses her mind, a gut feeling telling her that the brunette is rarely able to do so.

 

And once they get into the dining area, it’s loud, too many people talking all at once, the wolves being the loudest of them all and Penelope can already feel how she’s probably not going to get along with those… _kind._

 

Josie grabs her arm and pulls her to where she sees Lizzie is sitting at.

 

Penelope sits down in front of Lizzie and mutters a “hey” and Lizzie smiles at her, a smile that she feels like isn’t really genuine.

 

“I’ll go grab us food,” Josie says.

 

“Let me help you,” Penelope tries to stand up but a hand quickly pulls her down and she sees Lizzie’s hand on her wrist.

 

“No it’s fine, don’t worry about it, you just stay here okay?” Josie leaves before Penelope could argue.

 

Penelope settles on her seat, eyes darting around the dining area, she sees some people looking at her before quickly looking away and she just shrugs it off, used to having eyes all on her especially when she was attending a normal high school. Everyone was intimidated by her for some kind of reason but she figures mostly it’s because of her sharp tongue she uses to defend and protect herself when it’s necessary. Forget about powers, words are knives that often leave scars, and is enough for most of the time.

 

“Don’t worry about it, you’re just the new talk of school it’ll go away sooner or later,” says Lizzie and Penelope smiles at her and mutters a soft thanks.

 

“So Penelope, tell me about yourself.”

 

Penelope’s brows scrunches, a simple question that would always leave her hanging because aside from being a witch, she figures there’s not much to tell, “Uhm, I’m really uninteresting to be honest. Sorry to disappoint.”

 

Lizzie smirks, “I don’t believe that.”

 

Penelope raises an eyebrow at the girl.

 

“I saw the way you look at me earlier Park,” Lizzie states, confidence dripping in her tone of voice.

 

Penelope wants to laugh, run, or let out a sarcastic remark as her form defense mechanism for being put on the spot like this but instead, she sighs, “I’m not gonna lie, you _are_ pretty Lizzie.”

 

The blonde in front of her beams at her statement and Penelope almost feels bad. She does find the girl attractive, but that’s it. She’s got eyes and she knows how to appreciate a beautiful human being but that’s all there is to it. She’s not one to get crushes. Fast beating of your heart is just another reaction sent from the brain to tell you that hey look there’s this gorgeous person in front of you and you cannot be a fuck up in front of them and frankly, Penelope doesn’t really know what it actually feels like crushing or liking and even loving someone is.

 

“But if you think if I’m going to come after you or whatever it is that you are thinking then I’m sorry,” Penelope hopes that the words didn’t come out harsh or cold and Lizzie would just accept it but as always things don’t really work out for her.

 

Lizzie scoffs, “Excuse me?”

 

Penelope just shrugs, eyes avoiding Lizzie and mentally wishing for Josie to come back already before the blue-eyed girl makes a spectacle out of this.

 

“It’s your first day here and you’re already so full of yourself.”

 

Penelope frowns, hazel meeting icy blue ones. The rational part of her is telling her to apologize if what she said was wrong and just leave it be but there’s this other part of her that’s telling her to keep her mouth running.

 

“Says the girl who assumed that I must have been eye fucking her the whole day,” Penelope taunts, “I’m not a liar, you are pretty Lizzie, but,” Penelope clicks her tongue, “I prefer the other twin.”

 

Penelope could see the rage behind Lizzie’s eyes as she glares at her, and the way her whole body seem to shake from pure anger and Penelope thinks she should have seriously just shut her mouth.

 

“Hey, is everything alright?”

 

Both of their head snaps up and sees Josie setting down a tray of food, looking at them with worry but before Penelope could assure her everything was fine, Lizzie stands up and pulls Josie away.

 

“Come on Josie before you catch the disease this clown is spreading.”

 

Josie looks back at Penelope and the raven haired girl just waves goodbye.

 

Penelope sighs as she slumps on her seat and glares at the tray of food in front of her.

 

* * *

 

Penelope’s first week at the Salvatore School went by fast and uneventful. Her classes were okay, she expected more action regarding their powers but all she got was a ton of books to read and healing potions to make. Most notable is that she shares at least two classes with Josie and Lizzie, with the latter dead set on avoiding her and of course making Josie follow her action.

 

Penelope really hoped to befriend Josie, and maybe even Lizzie at first, but things turned into a horrific turn that whenever she walks down the hallway after her classes she hears murmurs all around her. It doesn’t get under her skin really, it’s kind of amusing as she thinks about it for it shows how much power the Saltzman twins—well specifically Lizzie, holds in this school.

 

But at night, ever since that encounter at the dining area, Penelope wonders what Josie must think of her now.  What did Lizzie tell her? Does she hate her now? Does she spread rumors to her friends about Penelope?

 

Penelope thinks of how she shouldn’t even be bothered by it, but she is, and she can’t shake off the feeling of wanting to apologize to the girl for no reason at all, just hoping to get on her good side again.

 

Yet, she ends the night thinking about how she’ll carry on and she doesn’t need a friend like Josie Saltzman, there’s plenty of other people trying to talk to her, get her out of her shell—most whom she feels have something against Lizzie and Penelope thinks, that maybe she’s okay with being the villain in their story.

 

Convincing herself that it doesn’t really matter anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

Penelope finds herself in the library this Saturday morning, trying to quickly finish her homework so she can just lay down on her bed the whole weekend or maybe go to that party at the mill everyone was talking about. She expects her weekend to go by fast and boring but what she did not expect is to hear the scraping of the chair besides her and the girl who seems to have been avoiding her for a week suddenly sitting there.

 

Penelope snaps her eyes up at Josie who’s smiling down at her, “You need anything Saltzman?”

 

Josie sighs as she looks down on her lap and fumbles with the end of her shirt, “Penelope, I’m really sorry about what ever happened on that night with Lizzie-"

 

“And for avoiding me?”

 

Josie bites her lower lip and nods, “Yeah and for avoiding you.”

 

Josie finally looks up at Penelope, eyes filled with so much sincerity, “I didn’t mean to really. Lizzie is just… Lizzie, and told me stop talking to you.”

 

“And you can’t fight for yourself?”

 

Josie lips quivers and Penelope feels a pang on her chest.

 

“It’s…” Josie starts, as she hang her head low again, “I just don’t want to fight with her anymore, it’s exhausting.”

 

The ache on Penelope’s chest grows stronger and the need to protect the girl in front of her, “You’re too nice for your own good. I need to teach you how to perfect the mean bitch and you can’t touch me attitude sometime.”

 

Josie lifts up her head and giggles, “You? Teaching me how to be all of that?”

 

Penelope smiles and crosses her arms, “I can be intimidating if I want to.”

 

“You looked like some lost puppy when you got dropped off here and awkward.”

 

“Well if a pretty girl were suddenly in front of me who wouldn’t be?” Penelope sees Josie’s cheeks turn a light pink and she smirks.

 

Josie shakes her head, “Anyway, what even happened on that night with Lizzie? She wouldn’t tell me anything aside from you’re an evil temptress and that I should avoid you at all cost.”

 

Penelope laughs, “An evil temptress? Really?”

 

“Oh and a conceited bitch.”

 

Penelope just continues laughing and Josie can’t help but laugh softly along with her.

 

“Am I forgiven?”

 

Penelope clears her throat and ponders for a moment, “Hmm, how about you help me finish my homework and I’ll think about it.”

 

Josie just rolls her eyes at the girl and a small smile makes a way on her face as she grabs Penelope’s notebook.

 

“Let’s get started then.”

 

* * *

                                                                                                                                                              

Ever since that Saturday morning, Penelope finds herself hanging out with Josie in the library more often. They’d meet up late at night for a secret tutoring session because Lizzie is still adamant about Josie not hanging out with her but as the days goes by, the secret study rendezvous turned into just this nightly meet up with Josie where they could just talk about everything and anything, to just reading books and enjoying each other’s company in silence until sleeps calls to one of them.

 

And tonight as Penelope enters the library, she sees Josie’s back on hers and sees how the brunette is shaking so Penelope quickly walks to the girl and when she sees Josie’s face, filled with tear stains, puffy red eyes and trying to control her breathing, Penelope can’t help the rage swelling inside her.

 

“What happened?” she asks as she sits down next to her.

 

“It’s nothing,” Josie waves her hand as she tries to dismiss it and refuses to meet Penelope’s face.

 

Penelope scowls, “No it’s not nothing, if you’re here and looking like your cat just died.”

 

“I don’t have a cat.”

 

“That’s beside the point please tell me what’s wrong,” Penelope pleads and the cold façade that Josie tries to put up shatters instantly as tears started streaming down her face and before Penelope could think better of it, she grabs the girl into her arms, and holds her as Josie buries her face on her neck.

 

“Did you and Lizzie had a fight?”

 

Josie didn't say anything instead Penelope feels more tears starts flowing.

 

Penelope figures she won’t get Josie to talk, and if she doesn’t want to then its fine and she has a feeling of what the fight could have been about anyway.

 

Her heart is aching and she wants nothing more than to see Josie’s eyes be bright and full of mirth again instead of red puffy ones and wants nothing more than to hear the sound of her laughter than the sob she’s letting out right now.

 

“Tell you what, how about we go to my room and we can watch some romcoms or whatever and I’ll get you whatever food you like in the kitchen and we’ll just have a nice sleepover.”

 

Josie says a muffled yes into her neck and Penelope can’t help but feel her skin burn where Josie’s lips brushed against it.

 

Penelope ignores the sensation as she rubs Josie’s back trying to calm her down.

-

They’re at her room with Josie making herself comfortable on Penelope’s bed as Penelope sets up her DVD player. She doesn’t really know what the hell she’s doing and why she thought it was a good idea inviting Josie to her room but she figures it’s the least she could do.

 

“Didn’t think you’re a romcom type of person,” says Josie, her voice hoarse from the crying.

 

Penelope puts her hands on her waist and gives Josie a pointed look, “I’m not.”

 

Josie giggles as she holds up a bunch of DVDs, “says the person with a large collection of DVD romcoms.”

 

Penelope rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, “I watch them because I love making fun of how cliche everything is and trying to decipher what would happen or what kind of corny joke the male love interest is about to drop.”

 

Josie hums, a smirk on her face, “If you say so.”

 

Penelope shrugs, “Whatever Saltzman, tell you what, let’s play a game.”

 

“A game?”

 

“Yeah, just something simple for your first time you romcom hater, first one to laugh loses.”

 

Josie grins, “You’re on Park.”

-

Penelope lost and the raven haired girl can’t quite wrap it around her head how the girl next to her managed to keep a straight face.

 

“You lost,” Josie says, a smug grin on her face.

 

Penelope pouts, and oh god, this is ridiculous, Penelope Park does not pout so she angrily stares at the wall instead, “Thank you for reminding me and rubbing it to my wounded ego.”

 

Josie chuckles, “Do I get any prize?”

 

Penelope looks at the girl besides her, and she thinks of how it’s okay, how it’s actually worth it, for there’s twinkle in her eyes again. She doesn’t know if it’s due to the movie or her but either way, she’s glad to have the light behind it again.

 

“I’ll think about it.”

 

Josie just nods, as she sits up, “I should probably head back to my room before Lizzie wakes up and… I don’t even want to think about it.”

 

Josie stands up and smooths down her shirt. Penelope just watches her, a part of her wants to ask the girl to stay but she keeps her mouth shut.

 

“Thank you so much Penelope,” Josie says she moves towards the door, hands on the doorknob and lingers there for a moment until she looks back at Penelope, “Goodnight.”

 

And with that Penelope is left alone in her room, her bed suddenly feeling too spacious.

 

* * *

 

 

Penelope and Josie continued they’re nightly meet ups but lately, instead of being in the library they find both of themselves in Penelope’s room, watching stupid romcoms that makes Penelope laugh harder than it should be with Josie teasing her about it and the both of them guessing what some kind of cliché scene would happen next and making a game out of it.

 

And Penelope can’t help but feel content.

 

Tonight should have gone by as it usually does, with Josie coming over and sometimes bringing her own DVD of some romcom she snatched from her father and they watch and laugh to whatever it is that’s being played on screen.

 

But Penelope suddenly feels a tickle at the back of her throat, she clears her throat in hopes of having the uncomfortable sensation go away but it didn’t. It’s a scratchy sensation and Penelope is getting uncomfortable. She clears her throat again and again but the sensation persists.

 

She’s getting annoyed and frustrated because the prickling in her throat just won’t _stop_ and she’s so close to just punching herself in the throat until she hears a knock on her door.

 

Ignoring the itchiness of her throat, Penelope opens her door and sees Josie with her usual wide grin and bright eyes and suddenly, Penelope could no longer hold the uncomfortable itching in her throat, that her body suddenly convulsed as she clasps her hand in front of her mouth, quickly shutting the door and slumping down against it before Josie could see as she coughs and coughs.

 

The itchiness slowly dissipates as she continues to cough, she hears Josie on the other side of the door, asking if she’s okay but Penelope continues her coughing fit, wanting nothing more to remove what ever it is that is somehow stuck in her throat.

 

A minute passes and the scratchy sensation in her throat finally stops, she sighs, relief washing over her now that it’s over.

 

That is, until, she removes her hand from her mouth and sees a lone yellow petal on her palm. Confused, Penelope looks around to see if there were any flowers in her room but finds none, she stares at the petal for a few moments, thinking where it could have possibly been from, for she refuses to think of how that could have been what was stuck in her throat.

 

She hears a frantic knock on her door, breaking her out from her daze along with the worried voice of Josie Saltzman filling the silence of the night.

 

“Penelope please, what’s going on?”

 

“Can we reschedule this move night?” Penelope asks through gritted teeth, clutching at the petal on her hand, “I’m not feeling well I’m sorry.”

 

“Do you want me to take you to the nurse?”

 

Penelope coughs and heaves as she shakes her head until she realizes the other girl can’t see her and forces herself to speak, “No it’s fine.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

The scratchiness of her throat is so unbearable now, that Penelope is growing agitated the more she tries to speak, “Yes, please just leave me alone,” she cries out.

 

She doesn’t hear Josie anymore after that and doesn’t have the strength to open her door to check and see if the girl could still be standing there.

 

Penelope has never felt so drained. Cough after cough, there’s a petal that would come out of her mouth, she feels gross. There’s so many yellow petals all over her now, if she wasn’t dry heaving and clawing at her neck, she’d appreciate how beautiful it is and find out what kind of flower it could be. But as she sits there, back against her door, hands still clasped around her neck, she wonders how something so beautiful could be formed in such a grotesque manner.

 

With every cough, she feels like her body is slowly giving up on her. She thinks of how this could be her punishment—of how the universe may be finally getting back at her for everything or maybe someone hexed her, maybe it was even Lizzie for finally realizing how she’s taking up all of her sister’s precious time. She wants to laugh, she must be going crazy now, and she’s going to die with flower petals all around her.

 

She lies down on the floor and curls into a ball, tears streaming down on her face now. The coughing has stopped, but there’s still a tickling sensation that’s somehow bearable but that’s not what concerns her the most, it’s the unbelievable pain she’s feeling in her chest. Feeling like someone is continuously stabbing it and at the same time, her heart feels like it’s screaming for something or rather _someone_. Penelope doesn’t know what or who.

 

But maybe she does.

 

She just won’t say it out loud.

 

She doesn’t have the energy to get up, she hugs her knees close to her chest, eyes red and swollen, looking so out of place in a bed of yellow petals. She thinks of how death could be better than this.

-

Penelope wakes up with her throat feeling so dry and her back aching from sleeping on the floor, she gets up, her head feeling so heavy to add to the list of the pain she’s feeling right now. She sees a water bottle at her bedside table and quickly grabs it and indulges herself with it. Her throat still feels ticklish but she figures she could survive as long it doesn’t evolve into another coughing fit.

 

As she finishes her water, she takes a look around her room and groans at the mess.

 

_How the fuck am I going to clean this up_.

 

Penelope sighs and starts working on cleaning her room.

-

Once her room is free from stupid yellow petals, Penelope thinks of the only two objectives she has in mind today: find out what the fuck is wrong with her and apologize to Josie Saltzman.

 

Penelope thinks for a moment whether she should go to the clinic and ask the nurse for help and find out what’s wrong with her but a part of her is screaming that this should be something she should figure out for herself.

 

So she supposes she could skip all of her classes today and head to the library first.

 

Once she gets there, she sets out to find anything that could help her. Searching each books on every shelves that could have some kind of answers for her, it’s proving to be difficult for there is so much. She doesn’t even know what she’s looking for.

 

Is it some kind of witch flu? A curse? The first sign of the apocalypse? She’s lost. Penelope even searched through medical books and found nothing.

 

She sighs as she closes another book and puts it back on the shelf. She rubs her temples, feeling a headache incoming soon. Her throat is still ticklish but so far, no flower coughing fit yet.

 

Penelope is about to call it quits and maybe just ask the headmaster until she sees a section for Oriental books at the far back of the library.

 

Penelope finds her feet quickly dragging her there, her heart beating faster, as if it’s detecting that there it is, your answer is here. She rummages through the books on the shelves until she finds a one concerning all eastern myths.

 

She scans through the table of contents and sees the words: _Hanahaki Disease._ Penelope quickly flips through the pages and sees a grotesque image of a person with flowers blooming on their chest and throat, and absentmindedly, Penelope’s hand reaches to her neck.

 

Penelope sits down on the floor and starts reading, taking in any information she could get from it. Her hands are shaking as she take in the words in front of her, the prickling sensation in her throat growing stronger again.

 

_Hanahaki Disease is a disease where a person coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided or unrequited love. The symptoms of the disease are: strong pain, flowers blooming in the heart, lungs and throat, and then throwing them up.  It often develops in weeks, months or sometimes could take years. The beginning of the disease comes with the coughing up a few petals and growing in intensity and pain, until the victim is soon vomiting the entire flowers, with its final stage having the flowers completely bloom in your lungs, heart and throat which leads to death. It could only end when the beloved returns their feelings._

 

_Feelings of strong romantic love only—strong friendship is not enough._

 

Penelope is at loss for words, rereading it over and over again, hoping she must have just missed something or maybe there’s a missing page. She laughs.

 

_This can’t be._

 

She flips through the book once again, hoping for another cure, when she found none, she threw the book across the room and grips her neck.

 

Penelope’s mind drifts to Josie. Of how she’s gotten so comfortable with the brunette witch that she didn’t even catch herself that she could have been freely falling for her. But then again, could you blame her?

 

Josie Saltzman has been nothing but a splash of a sun in her dark world. Penelope knows forming a friendship with anyone isn’t her strong suit, she has been okay being alone or only ever befriending anyone that could be of use to her. She rationalizes that it’s a waste for her to do something that has no purpose, no reason, and that’s including people. If you don’t serve Penelope Park any kind of purpose then there’s no point in forming some kind of friendship. She’s selfish, she knows that but she has to in this world.

 

Then Josie suddenly comes in to her life and for once Penelope doesn’t really think of what it could mean and what it could be. She just lets it happen, and maybe that was her mistake. She’s calculative, she used to do things with purpose with every move, every action, and every word. And yet here she is now, having some kind of disease for finally letting her guard down.

How ironic is that?

Tears threatening to escape once again as she laughs, “Are you fucking kidding me, is this really how I’m going to end? Because of fucking unrequited love?” she shakes her head.

“I don’t really even know what love is.”

-

Once she has calmed herself down, Penelope leaves the library, unsure of what to do. The books says she could only get rid of the disease if Josie were able to return her feelings, and it’s now dawning on her as she walks through the Salvatore School hallways that she’s in love with Josie Saltzman and the doe eyed girl doesn’t feel anything for her at all.

 

“Penelope!”

 

Penelope freezes on her tracks, turns around to the source of the voice and sees Josie with a huge smile on her face as she waves at Penelope at the end of the hallway. The itchiness on her throat is back again, and it’s unbearable. Penelope is sure that she’s going to throw up any time now so before she could wave back at the girl, Penelope runs.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s been a week since Penelope has find out about the disease, a week of also ignoring Josie. In Penelope’s defense, she was trying to find out whether or not she’d only have the urge to hurl petals so bad if she’s ever near the source of her heart break. And now, Penelope concludes, avoiding the girl didn’t really help at all.

 

The pain on her throat is now slowly spreading to her chest, it burns now, and Penelope doesn’t even want to think if there’s roots in her lungs now. Every cough, every petal the goes out from her mouth, Penelope wonders if telling Josie about it would help, but she thinks of how she doesn’t want to put the girl on the spot. Suddenly burdening the brunette with her feelings, making her feel guilty that she’s the reason why Penelope may be slowly dying. Penelope doesn’t want that, it’s only going to make it worse.

 

What’s the point of letting Josie know if she’s never going to reciprocate it anyway?

 

So Penelope suffers in silence.

 

But every day, when she sees Josie in class, at the hallway, at the dining room, with a broken expression on her face that Penelope knows she caused, her heart can’t help but squirm in pain, longing to just go over to her, hug her, and apologize for everything.

 

So she’s about to do just that.

 

It’s almost time for curfew and Penelope sees Josie about to turn around the corner, probably heading towards her room.

 

“Hey JoJo.”

 

Josie stops in her tracks and turns around, a pout on her face.

 

Penelope wants to smile at the sight.

 

_She’s adorable._

 

She feels something on her chest blossom.

 

And yet at the same time, she feels a horrible ache where her heart should be.

 

Josie crosses her arms and raises a brow at her, “Are you finally done avoiding me?”

 

Penelope sighs, and steps closer to the girl.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ she bites her tongue, _okay that’s a lie_ , “I mean, a lot of things just happened and I just…” Penelope’s eyes finds Josie’s, “I’m sorry.”

 

Josie tilts her head to the side, a smile on her face now, a smile that Penelope feels bears sadness within them.

 

“I’ve missed you, you know.”

 

Penelope’s breath hitches, her chest and throat are burning. She tries to swallow down what she could feel a petal from coming out.

 

“I know we’ve only known each other for a month or so but,” Josie bites her lower lip, “in such a short time, you’ve become so important to me.”

 

Unable to speak, Penelope just gathers the taller girl in her arms and hugs her. She feels Josie wrap her arms around her too and Penelope has never felt so content.

 

How she wishes she could be under that warm embrace forever.

 

* * *

 

A few days have passed since that night. They’re back with being in each other’s presence for most of the day (Penelope loves the sour look on Lizzie’s face everytime Josie goes to her side) plus continuing their nightly meet ups of watching stupid movies and making fun of it together.

 

The burning in her throat and chest and the petals are all still there, a constant reminder to Penelope that she’s in love—experiencing love for another person even though the concept of it is still so hard to grasp, and a reminder, that even though she still hasn’t completely figured it out yet, she is still in love and the girl who holds her heart does not feel the same.

 

She figures it’s better that way.

 

She’s able to manage the pain now anyway, able to hold herself back everytime she feels like being a flower dispenser for the day.

 

It’s getting easier she thinks. Everything is slowly going back to normal somehow.

 

And right now, Josie’s on her bed, making herself comfortable for another night of romantic comedies (she swears she doesn’t really like it) and Penelope thinks of how, this is okay. It’s fine.

 

She joins Josie on her bed and getting under the covers once the movie is all set up and starts blaring on her small television. Penelope could feel the warmth emanating from the witch next to her, and Penelope thinks back to that night, to that hug, and she wants nothing more but to have those arms wrapped around her again.

 

Penelope shakes the thought away and tries to focus on the movie. But as she watches, she can’t help but think of doing the same corny things the main character is doing to their supposed love of their life. Thinking of how it’d feel like to have Josie’s hands holding her as they walk by the hallway. Thinking of being under that warm embrace as she sleeps every night. Thinking about how would it feel to have Josie’s lips pressed against hers.

 

And oh god.

 

Penelope inwardly cringes.

 

_Is this what “love” is?_

 

“Hey LoLo,” Josie says, looking at Penelope with a wistful smile.

 

“Lolo?” Penelope exclaims.

 

Josie’s smile grows wider, “I’ve been trying to think of a nickname for you.”

 

“And you think LoLo is _it?”_ Penelope says, amused.

 

Josie giggles, “Well I think you would hex me if I called you Penny.”

 

Penelope bursts out laughing, “Yeah I totally would have, maybe nicknames just aren’t my thing.”

 

Josie rolls her eyes, turning her attention back to the movie, a smile still on her face, “Whatever. It’s still cute though and besides, we’d match.”

 

Penelope feels a tickling sensation on her throat. She swallows.

 

“So LoLo, have you ever been in love?”

 

Penelope freezes, she wants nothing more to chant a spell to help her turn invisible just to get her out of this situation but instead she makes the mistake of having her eyes flicker to Josie’s lips, and is now biting her lower lip and god Penelope wants nothing but to claim those lips so, she clears her throat, looks back at the tv and shrugs.

 

“Not really, why did you ask?” she tries to play it cool. Trying to look unaffected with such a small action from the girl besides her and she must have done it well when she hears a disappointed “oh” from the brunette.

 

There's a question at the tip of her tongue but Penelope know she really shouldn’t, she knows all she’ll get is more petals later once Josie leaves but she still does it and asks the girl, “Have you?”

 

She turns her eyes back to the witch besides her whose cheeks are now painted with a soft red and Josie fiddling the blanket, looking as if she’s trying to gather her own thoughts.

 

“I…” Josie starts, eyes suddenly stares up to the ceiling, for the weeks Penelope has known the girl, she knows Josie is having trouble to express her exact thoughts right now, so she waits, not wanting to push the girl but Josie just shakes her head and laughs, and not the kind of laugh Penelope loves, it feels empty and hollow, “I had a crush when I was thirteen but I wouldn’t call it love though.”

 

It’s Penelope’s turn now to let out a disappointed “oh”. She knew this was a bad idea, she knew she shouldn’t have bothered asking and just let it be but she did anyway because she’s stupid like that, also maybe a small part of her was hoping that Josie may be feeling the same way towards her now.

Penelope suddenly feels like she couldn’t breathe, she feels choked up but there’s no pain on her throat, no itchiness, and she thinks that maybe this is the first sign of heart break.

 

She looks at Josie and sees the girl looking as if she’s expecting something out of her and Penelope doesn’t really know what, so instead she takes a deep breath and asks, “Want to tell me who it is?”

 

Josie blushes, eyes finally looking away from Penelope, “It was just some stupid crush you know, I just admired her and thought she was really pretty and-“

 

“Josie,” Penelope cuts her off, not really wanting to hear about it. “It’s okay you don’t have to tell me.”

 

“It was Hope.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i've had this in my drafts for a month now and due to uni stuffs i was unable to continue writing it down everyday but i thought i wouldn't have the motivation to work on it unless i finally post it just so i'd feel pressured to do so lmao *shakes* it's just supposed to be a small one shot but here we are im boo boo the fool.
> 
> also just a little something to forget the pain 1x14 brought us.
> 
> *heaves* cant even talk about it without tearing up. we'll get through this.
> 
> sorry for any mistakes i tried rereading it again and again but as always must have missed something.


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